Help, My Child Won't Perform!
A Few Ways to Recognize and Combat Your Child's Stage Fright

By Davonne Irion

Performance anxiety, stage fright, or a bad case of the nerves. Whatever you choose to call it, unease about performing in public is a reality for many people. This gut wrenching, head throbbing, knee knocker will often offset the best intentions any performer may have. So why should we assume that our children would not experience some sort of stage fright from time to time? Furthermore, how can we, as parents, help our children become successful performers? This may take gaining a more thorough understanding of this phenomenon.

In case you are one of the lucky ones not familiar with the symptoms of performance anxiety, here are just a few of its components: sweaty palms, knocking knees, shaky hands, dry mouth and heart palpitations, to start. Most everyone has experienced some of these symptoms at some time. These are just a few unpleasant leftovers from the fight or flight syndrome of our ancestors. Performance anxiety differs from simple nervousness because of the conditions under which it takes place. Stage fright occurs when people experience these symptoms while trying to present something to others for their perusal. The performer cares about the audience's reaction to his or her presentation.

It helps to know that almost all performers have experienced stage fright at some point in their careers. In fact, there are many professional performers who admit to wrestling with this difficulty even while on stage in front of enormous audiences. One thing is for sure, performers who experience stage fright say the best way to combat it is head on, with constant performing.

So, how do we, as parents, recognize what may be a reluctance to perform in public, versus an all out anxiety attack? Additionally, how do we help our children deal with their fear? First, pay close attention to your child. Although your older child may tell you he doesn't want to perform, a younger child may end up with a stomachache and not be able to verbalize the difficulty. But be careful not to bring up the subject unless there is a need. Some children may not even realize they "should" get nervous about performing. If your child does show signs of difficulty, the next step would be to discuss the anxiety as a normal human reaction. And, if you, the parent, have had any firsthand experience with performance anxiety, this would be an excellent time to share that with your child.  Next, try a few of these ideas to help your child deal with performance jitters: 

1. Suggest that they imagine their audience in ridiculous costumes, or with long noses, or cabbage heads (you get the idea). Perceiving an audience as being less threatening will help overcome tension. 
2. Teach them to repeat positive messages in their minds.
3. Make sure they are properly prepared and practiced for a performance. Give them lots of chances to perform under less stressful situations. For example, during family get-togethers, for friends or at home while being videotaped.
4. Introduce them to relaxation techniques, especially with older children. These may be as simple as breathing deeply or responding to specific muscle tensions within the body before and during their performances. An older child can also be taught to rate his nervous reactions on a scale from 1 - 10 and respond with specific exercises. 

Perhaps most importantly, older children can learn to do what most professionals do: channel this nervous energy into a heightened state of awareness. This awareness may enable them to give the best performances. Seasoned professionals have learned that using this energy as a tool during a performance often gives them an edge. They have learned to take what could be a negative item and turn it into fuel to succeed.

Understanding performance anxiety as parents, will allow us to arm our children with information and coping skills. Our children deserve to be confident performers, and they can be. All it takes is time to practice perfecting the art of performance and everything it encompasses. And, most importantly, allowing our children to understand and celebrate the fact that they are, wonderfully, human.